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第一幕：喝酒

武松：Hello! I am Wu Song. The most handsome, the most famous, the most clever man in Liang Shan. I am going home to kill my sister in law Pan jinlian! She poisoned my brother. I told my brother Pan jinlian was dangerous. But My brother still married her. (嘆氣，唉….跟音樂(lè)一起唱且跳舞)Dangerous, dangerous! The girl is dangerous.

武松(見(jiàn)到酒店一家)：A restaurant! Good. I am hungry. (進(jìn)屋坐下)Waiter! Wine! Wine! The best wine!

小二：Hi, sir. Sit down please. Would you like XO, Er Guo Tou, Mao Tai, or Qing Dao beer?

武松：(暈暈乎乎地)How much is the XO?

小二：1880 ( 展示大瓶酒，醒目的標(biāo)價(jià))。

武松：Open…Open…..(噴嚏)(小二將酒瓶起開(kāi))

武松：(面怒，片刻無(wú)語(yǔ))Open the window please!Not the wine. I want some er guo tou! It’s strong enough.

小二

[熱門(mén)]新《水滸》 ：You….You…..(敢怒不敢言, 轉(zhuǎn)身倒碗二鍋頭)，Ok. Here you are.

武松：Anything to eat?

小二：Would you like sandwiches, hamburgers, bread, or pizza?

武松：Ten pizzas, please.

小二: Here you are!

武松：(喝一口酒)Good wine, very good wine!

(小二上了兩碗酒www.seo0793.com，武松喝了，卻是不再倒了)

武松：I want more wine. Why not serve me?服務(wù)員!淘寶最有效的減肥藥排行榜怎么不倒酒了?

小二：Sir, More pizzas OK, more wine no way! 客官，要比薩餅就給您，這酒就不添了。

武松：(生氣) Why? I have money! (扔錢(qián)倒桌上)

掌柜：Look! (指著 “三碗不過(guò)岡”牌子)。This wine is very strong. One bowl, comfortable. Two bowls, can’t walk. Three bowls, drunk and fall!，(叫店小二示范) 喝一碗神清氣爽，喝兩碗保你渾身無(wú)力，喝三碗就立刻醉倒，最多喝保證你酒精中毒，命都沒(méi)有了……

武松：(喝一口，擠笑)Who am i? Wu Song! Even 18 bowls is nothing for me. Give me wine!(咆哮，敲桌子) 不是我狂妄，這酒勁雖大，可我絕對(duì)是應(yīng)付得了，就是喝上十八碗也只是漱口而已，倒酒www.jdlqq.com!

掌柜：But you must call this number first.(掏出手機(jī)，出示電話(huà)號(hào)碼， 旁邊注明棺材預(yù)訂)， Then I will serve you more wine.

武松：(勉強(qiáng)同意，做打電話(huà)狀)Hello!.......

小二：Here is your wine. But your last meal, I think.你的酒來(lái)了!慢慢喝，估計(jì)是你最后一頓了。

(武松冷哼一聲。一次次舉起大碗，眨眼間十八碗酒就下了肚吃完了，拎著他的棍子就走)

小二：Where are you going, sir?

服務(wù)員：Oh, my god. You want to die? There is a tiger there. It has eaten 30 People. You’d better not go today. It’s dark. 客官萬(wàn)萬(wàn)去不得!如今景陽(yáng)岡上有只華南虎，天一黑就出來(lái)害人，已經(jīng)害了三十幾個(gè)人，官府限期叫獵戶(hù)去捉，岡下都有廣告，除了中午，都不能過(guò)岡，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)快天黑了，你不要命就去吧。我看你還是在我這里住一晚最好。

武松：(醉醺醺地) A tiger? I’ll kill it! Look ! I am so strong. I am good at Kong Fu!(秀肌肉，舞弄棍子，踢腿。)老虎?我要?dú)⒘怂? 看我有多壯!我的功夫多棒!

掌柜：You are drunk. Don’t go.看你這樣子就知道你喝多了，怎么說(shuō)起胡話(huà)了?可萬(wàn)萬(wàn)去不得!

武松：(生氣) Go away! (搖搖晃晃走了) 切，減肥藥哪種好最討厭人家小看我了，一邊呆著去。

掌柜：(搖頭嘆氣)e mi tuo fo! God bless you! A men! (阿彌陀佛，上帝保佑，阿門(mén))