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One of the major principles of happiness – and this comes as a shock to no one – is that perception shapes reality. The way we view something determines our experience. I saw this during the Inauguration. A person could say, "It's fantastic to be here among so many people," or a person could say, "It's a pain to be stuck in these crowds and long lines." Same reality, different perception.

想要快樂須銘記一條原則，那就是“感知塑造現(xiàn)實(shí)”，誰也不會對這句話吃驚。我們看待事物的方式?jīng)Q定我們的體驗。從就職儀式中我就發(fā)現(xiàn)了這一點(diǎn)。一個人可以說：“能和這么多人在這里真好!”另一個人也可以說：“陷入長長的隊伍和人群中真痛苦。” 同樣的現(xiàn)實(shí)，不一樣的感受。

I realized the importance of characterization when I eavesdropped on a few conversations between my three-year-old and her grandmother.

我無意中聽到了我3歲女兒和她祖母的對話后，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了描述方式有多重要。

My daughter:"Can I please have some ice cream?" (Yes, she did say 'please'.)

我的女兒說：“請問我能吃一些冰激凌嗎？” (是的，她說了‘請’。)

My mother-in-law:"Okay, but you had a cookie earlier, so I'm just going to give you a little bit."

我的岳母說：“好的，但是你剛才吃了一塊餅干，我只再給你一點(diǎn)。”

My daughter:"No, no, I want a big bowl! Not a little bit."

我的女兒：“不，不，我要一大碗!不是一點(diǎn)。”

My mother-in-law:"Tonight you're going to go to bed nice and early."

我的岳母：“今晚你要乖乖地早些睡覺。”

My daughter:"No, no, no! Not early, I want to stay up late!"

我的女兒：“不，不! 不要早，要晚！”

Had my mother-in-law said, "I'm giving you a big scoop" or "We're letting you stay up late," my daughter would have accepted that characterization instead of protesting. Same bowl of ice cream, same bedtime, different perception.

如果我的岳母說：“我給你一大勺”或“我讓你晚些睡覺”，我的女兒也許就會接受這個“描述”而不會抗議了。同樣大小的碗，同樣的睡覺時間，不同的感知。

And this isn't just true of children. The other day, I was talking to an acquaintance, and the subject of happiness came up. She said, "Well, Gretchen, you dabble in the subject of happiness, don't you?"

這一情況不僅僅出現(xiàn)在兒童身上。前些天，我在和一位熟人談話，聊到了快樂的話題。她說：“Gretchen，你在涉足快樂問題，是嗎?”

Yes, in fact, I do dabble in the subject of happiness. I've been dabbling away for ten hours a day for more than three years now.

是的，事實(shí)上，我是在“涉足”快樂問題，最近三年多來每天10小時地“涉足”了。

I'm proud to say that I handled it nicely in the moment, but I'm embarrassed to admit how much this characterization annoyed me. My reaction doesn't speak well of me, at all; I know perfectly well that this person has no particular reason to know what I'm up to and that she didn't mean to bug me – yet I found it hard not to feel irritated with that particular characterization.

我很自豪當(dāng)時自己很好地應(yīng)對了這一情況，但是不好意思，我要承認(rèn)這個人的描述方式惹惱了我。我完全不該有那樣消極的反應(yīng)，因為我很清楚那人沒必要知道我所做的，而且她不是有意要?dú)馕摇？晌野l(fā)現(xiàn)，不被這種“描述”惹惱是很難的一件事。

It's helpful to "Watch the characterizations" when we're speaking to other people, and it's also important when we're characterizing things for ourselves. One of the challenges of my happiness project is to try to be more positive and lighthearted -- without being fake and superficial.

當(dāng)我們對別人說話的時候，“注意描述方式”是有益的，而且，我們?nèi)绾蜗蜃约好枋鍪挛镆埠苤匾Ｎ业目鞓酚媱澲幸粋€挑戰(zhàn)是讓自己更積極、更輕松，但不虛假或流于表面。

Often, I've found that I can characterize something in a way that's more positive, but just as truthful. For example, "That meal was very filling," instead of "That meal was very heavy." Or "The play had a lot of great moments." instead of "The third act of the play was boring." Sometimes, of course, I'm trying to make a specific critical point, and that's fine, but sometimes remembering to "Watch the characterization" allows me to make my point in a less negative way – in particular, to myself.

我發(fā)現(xiàn)我經(jīng)常能用一個更為積極的方式來描述某件事，并且同樣做到真實(shí)。例如：“那頓飯很令人心滿意足。”而不是：“那頓飯很撐。”；或：“這個節(jié)目有許多精彩的地方。”而不是：“這戲的第三幕很無聊。”當(dāng)然，有時候，我要做出明確的批評，那沒關(guān)系，只要記住“注意描述方式”就讓我能表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)時少一點(diǎn)消極——尤其對自己表達(dá)的時候。

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