1. If I had to select a word that best describes the majority of American I parents,that word would be guilt-ridden. How sad it is to see parents become the willing victims of the "givc-me game",only lo discover that,no matter what they do,it isn't enough. In the end,they are despised for their lack of firmness and blamed when their spoiled children get in trouble. With this in mind,I shall first answer this question:" What do parents owe their children?" and I shall start with what they don't owe them.
2.Parents don't owe their children every minute of their day and every ounce of their energy. They don't owe them round-the-clock car service,singing lessons,tennis lessons,expensive bicycles,a motorcycle or a car when they reach sixteen,or a trip to Hurope when they graduate.
3.I take the firm position that parents do not owe their children a college education. If they can afford it,line; they can certainly send them to the best universities. But they must not feel guiltily if they can't. If the children really want lo go,they'll find a way. There are plenty of loans and scholarships for the bright and eager who can't afford to pay.
4.After children marry,their parents do not owe them a down payment on a house or money for the furniture. They do not have an obligation to baby-sit or to take their grandchildren in their house when the parents were on vacation. If they want ro do it,it must be considered a favor,not an obligation.
5.In my opinion,parents do not owe their children an inheritance,no matter how much money they have. One of the surest ways to produce a loafer is to let children know that their future is assured.
6.Do parents owe their children anything? Yes,they owe them a great deal.
7.One of their chief obligations is to give their children a sense of personal worth of self-esteem is the basis of a good mental health. A youngster,who is constantly made to feci stupid and unworthy,constantly compared to brighter brothers,sisters or cousins,will become so unsure,so afraid of failing,that he (or she) won't try at ail. Of course,they should be corrected when they do wrong ; this is the way children learn. But the criticisms should be balanced with praises,preferably with a smile and a kiss. No child is ever too old to be hugged. Parents owe their children iirm guidance and consistent discipline. It is frightening for ayoungster to feel thai he is in charge of himself; it's like being in a car without brakes. The parents who say "No" when other parents say "Yes" sends a double message. He is also saying: "I love you,and I am ready to risk your anger,because I don't want you to get into trouble."
8.Parents owe their children some religious training. The tact that so many strange cults are enjoying such success is proof that children feel the need for something spiritual in their life.
9.Parents owe their children a comfortable feeling about their body,and enough information about sex to balance the misinformation that they will surely receive from their friends.
10.Parents owe their children privacy and respect for their personalbelongings. This means not borrowing things without permission,not readingdiaries and mail,not looking through purses,pockets,and drawers. If a motherfeels that she must read her daughter's diary to know what is going on,thecommunication between them must be pretty bad.
11.Parents owe their chi Idren a set of solid values around which to build theirlives. This means teaching them to respect the rights and opinions of others; itmeans being respectful to elders,to teachers,and to the law. The best way to t eachsuch values is by example. A child who is lied to will lie. A child who sees hisparents steal tools from the factory or towels from a hotel will think thai it is allright to steal. A youngster who sees no laughter and no love in the home will havea difficult time laughing and loving.
12. No child asks to be born. If you bring a life into the world,you owe the children something. And if you give him his due,he'll have something of value to pass along to your grandchi Idren.
在中國，絕大多數(shù)父母心甘情愿畢生在做著一種“給予游戲”的犧牲品，最后滿頭白發(fā)時卻愕然發(fā)現(xiàn)，無論他們對子女付出多少，卻總是不夠的。中國的父母好象是一頭擠也擠不干，任勞任怨的奶牛，這樣的愛沉重且艱辛。
那么，做父母的到底欠不欠他們的子女？如果欠，究竟欠了他們什么？提到這些問題，請允許我先從做父母的“不欠子女什么”說起。
做父母的不欠子女一分時間，半分力氣，不欠沒日沒夜地為子女操勞。不欠他們的鋼琴課、網(wǎng)球課和昂貴的山地自行車。當(dāng)子女們長到16歲時，父母也不欠他們花花綠綠的絲裙子和鑲金鍍銀的手表以及那每周的“迪廳”票。子女的假期父母也不欠他們?nèi)ジ鞯赜紊酵嫠拈_銷。
我始終認(rèn)為做父母的不一定非要供子女上大學(xué)，特別是對于我國現(xiàn)階段的國情。如果財力盈余，那當(dāng)然好，父母可以把子女送到大學(xué)去深造，但如果供不起，也不必感到絲毫的愧疚。如果你的孩子有天賦真想上學(xué)，他們自會有辦法。對于聰明好學(xué)卻付不起學(xué)費的人來說，借貸和獎學(xué)金的種類還是很多的。
子女結(jié)婚后，父母不欠他們用分期付款的方式購買房子首次該付的錢，也不欠他們置辦婚禮和購置家具的錢；父母沒有給子女當(dāng)保姆照看孩子的責(zé)任；在子女外出旅游時，他們也沒有把孫子孫女領(lǐng)到家里服侍的義務(wù)；如果他們想這么做，那也只能看作是一種幫助，而絕不是一種義務(wù)。
在我看來，無論做父母的多么有錢，也不欠子女一分錢的遺產(chǎn)。培養(yǎng)懶漢最好的辦法，就是讓孩子們從小知道了他們的未來確有保障。
那么，做父母的到底欠不欠孩子的東西呢？答案是肯定的，欠，而且欠他們很多。
父母的主要責(zé)任和任務(wù)之一，是讓孩子們懂得自身的價值。因為自尊和自信是飽滿精神狀態(tài)的基礎(chǔ)，這一點中國的父母尤其做的不夠。對于當(dāng)代青年的普遍的心理危機，首要的責(zé)任當(dāng)推中國的父母對子女早期的心理教育的欠缺。我們并不缺少在奧林匹克各學(xué)科競賽上摘金掛銀的學(xué)生，而缺少的是當(dāng)代跨世紀(jì)青少年飽滿的精神狀態(tài)。只有有了良好的精神狀態(tài)，他們才有足夠的心理容量去迎接嶄新的二十一世紀(jì)的挑戰(zhàn)。一個青少年，如果總是拿他與比他聰明的兄弟姐妹或同齡的親戚朋友相比，如果總是讓他感到自己愚蠢和無用，那他就會變得毫無自信，惟恐失敗，以至不想去試著做任何努力，干任何哪怕是他力所能及的事情。這一點，中國的父母可能是源于從小根深蒂固的“楷模” 、“英雄”等對先進典型的敬仰觀念。做起來更甚，他們很少提自己的子女有什么優(yōu)勢，而總是拿自己的子女和更優(yōu)秀的孩子比，“永不自滿”作為中國人的傳統(tǒng)美德在這里就顯得有些尷尬了。當(dāng)然，如果子女做錯了事，父母應(yīng)該糾正他們的錯誤，這是孩子們學(xué)習(xí)做人的途徑。不過，在教育子女時，批評應(yīng)該與表揚并重，而且最好是面帶微笑，并吻他一下，孩子再大，也是可以擁抱的。西方的父母這一點比我們幽默，放松得多。
父母有責(zé)任讓他們的孩子對自己身體的生理變化有一種輕松的感覺，要教給他們足夠的性知識，以免他們從他們的朋友那里得到太多的錯誤觀念。
父母應(yīng)該尊重子女的隱私權(quán)，尊重他們私人的東西。也就是說，未經(jīng)他們的允許不能動用他們的東西，也不要偷看他們的日記和信件，不要亂翻他們的錢包、口袋和抽屜。如果一個當(dāng)母親的覺得自己只有看了女兒的日記才能了解女兒在干些什么，那就表明她們母女之間的交流糟糕到了極點。
做父母的有責(zé)任讓子女們掌握一整套牢固的生活和處世準(zhǔn)則。也就是說，要教育他們尊重別人的權(quán)利和意見；要尊敬師長，遵守法律。常言道，身教勝于言教，讓孩子接受這些準(zhǔn)則的最好辦法是做父母的自己以身作則。常聽謊言的孩子，也會向別人說謊。看到父母親從工地里偷工具、從旅店里偷毛巾的孩子，會認(rèn)為這是正常的行為。在家庭里聽不到笑聲，感覺不到愛的孩子，也難施他人以愛，報他人以笑。
沒有一個孩子是自己要求被生出來的。如果你把一個生命帶到這個世界，你就要對這個生命負(fù)有責(zé)任，所以只有你把他應(yīng)得的，有益的東西給他，他才會有一些有價值的東西傳給他們的后代——你的孫子孫女們。
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